
##3000951 <p> Buck Showalter is doing it again . He is breathing and he is building a contending baseball team , so he has his priorities covered . He can keep them covered by constructing and cajoling the Texas Rangers , and trying to go to a World Series , someplace he has never been . <p> The Rangers are already in a rarefied place , where they were not supposed to be : they are challenging for first place in the American League West and for the wild card . After the Rangers unloaded Alex Rodriguez to the Yankees for Alfonso Soriano in an embarrassing salary dump , they were expected to crawl to a fourth straight last-place finish . No A-Rod ? No way . <p> But the Rangers have performed like a revived team , a team that Showalter said was looser , a team that is not centered on one special player . Rodriguez has left . But Showalter , whom Rodriguez has called a former manager but not a friend , has not . There are no power struggles this season . Showalter 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " We have a thing with the coaching staff where we say , ' Let 's go out and see what the boys have in store for us tonight , " ' said the 48-year-old Showalter , who is in his second season with the team . " They 've never ceased to let us down . " <p> The Rangers , who begin a three-game series with the Yankees tonight in Arlington , have lost four straight after a 7-3 defeat in Baltimore yesterday . And realistically , they should not be in a postseason hunt . Even Showalter admitted that the pitching-starved Rangers ( 60-50 ) are at least a year away from being the polished product that he and General Manager John Hart have envisioned . <p> The Rangers have used a whopping 15 starting pitchers this year , including such luminaries as Scott Erickson and Mike Bacsik . Only one team in the last 35 seasons has used as many starters and reached the postseason , the 1989 San Francisco Giants . And Texas ' rotation turnstile will probably not stop at 15 . <p> But the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ perhaps the best infield in baseball , a nice blend of energetic , young players and responsible veterans , and a manager whose fingerprints are all over the team . <p> " You have to say he 's a big part of what we 've done because he 's involved in pretty much every aspect of what 's going on , " pitcher Kenny Rogers , who leads the team with 13 victories , said of Showalter . " If there 's a detail to cover , he covers it . However insignificant something is , he does n't let it go without being prepared for it . " <p> Essentially , Showalter has not changed from when he worked 14-hour days , or maybe it was 16 or 18 , and helped build the Yankees into the team that eventually won a world championship in 1996 . Then Showalter did the same for the Arizona Diamondbacks , who won it all in 2001 . In both instances , there was no joy for Showalter because he left or was dismissed one season before the teams won those World Series titles @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for Showalter , and the absence of credit for setting the foundations for both championships was sometimes exasperating . It must rankle Showalter that Yankee Manager Joe Torre and Arizona Manager Bob Brenly won titles in their first seasons , titles that were so close to being glitzy lines on his own resume . <p> " You look at the teams he 's been with and he leaves , and all of a sudden , they win the World Series , " reliever Jeff Nelson said . " I 'm not taking anything away from Joe Torre or Bob Brenly , but he leaves and then they win . He did have something to do with it . " <p> Then Nelson added , " It 's almost like there 's a time where it 's got to be his turn . " <p> As Showalter waits and works for his turn , he is obsessive and organized , clever and paranoid . During a stop-and-go , one-hour interview in the manager 's office at Camden Yards on Friday , Showalter went from answer to answer and avoided lingering on topics @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ spoke of a feisty team that believed in itself , even as the Rangers have hobbled to an 11-13 record since the All-Star Game break . Showalter said the players followed his most vital rules : Give your best effort every day . Care about your teammates . Think of how your words and actions reflect on yourself and the organization . <p> " They do n't get involved in trends , like , just because this happened , this is going to happen , " Showalter said . <p> If the Rangers studied trends , they might have wondered themselves silly about how they would perform after dealing Rodriguez , the player who is often called the best in baseball . Without him , the Rangers have flourished . Showalter said he would " love to have Alex here , " which would probably make Rodriguez laugh . <p> " We miss him , " Showalter said . " Where we are as an organization , we had to go in that direction . " <p> Once Texas moved in that direction , Showalter said , the players realized they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ succeeded Rodriguez at shortstop , said , " This team took a lot of pride in turning this around from the get-go . " <p> Young , Soriano and third baseman Hank Blalock were all named to the All-Star Game this year ; first baseman Mark Teixeira , who was not , leads the team with 26 homers . Center fielder Laynce Nix is a dynamic player and closer Francisco Cordero has 33 saves in 35 chances for a bullpen that is 23-10 with a 3.59 earned run average . <p> " They 've fixed the bullpen , " Rogers said . " We 've shown how significant that can be . " <p> Showalter credited Hart for not panicking and trading young talent for an ordinary starter . He lauded the pitching coach , Orel Hershiser , and the bullpen coach , Mark Connor , for cobbling together a staff whose 4.57 E.R.A. is a shade worse than the Yankees ' 4.49 . <p> Connor likened Showalter 's skills to the team owner Tom Hicks 's business acumen . Hicks 's investment firm specializes in leveraged acquisitions in which it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Showalter is working on his third reclamation project as a manager . <p> Showalter said he disliked the theory that he was best suited to building a young team and hated the notion that he was a control freak . That notion has been linked to Showalter since his first game , and it will stay with him until his final game . <p> " I 've learned to take it better , " Showalter said about his reputation for wanting to be in control . " You know what else I 've learned ? Some of it might be right . " <p> Rogers , Nelson and Soriano praised Showalter . When Rogers was asked if all players were receptive to such a hands-on manager , he said : " Probably not . Some are n't , I guess . " <p> But Rogers quickly added that the Rangers were receptive . " This is the right kind of team , a team of hungry young guys sprinkled with some old , slow veterans , " he said . " The main part of the team is the young group @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the game is supposed to play , partly because of how Buck has prepared them . " <p> The preparation began on the first day of spring training , when the Rangers piled onto buses like a high school football team and journeyed to the Luke Air Force Base in Glendale , Ariz . The Rangers sat in the room where F-16 pilots received their instructions before going to Afghanistan . <p> Showalter had the players watch a videotape he had prepared about the history of the Rangers . He interspersed scenes from inspirational movies like " Hoosiers " and motivational music with team highlights . <p> Showalter went to the videotape after the All-Star Game , too . The focus switched from tradition to expectations , and Showalter reminded the Rangers " of what could be " in an already surprising season . <p> The paucity of starting pitching is a weakness the Rangers may not be able to continue camouflaging . Showalter was told that most people doubt the Rangers will win the West or the wild card ; Texas now trails the Oakland Athletics , who lead the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ responded , " I 'd probably say the same thing if I was them . " <p> But what does Showalter really believe will happen ? <p> " What do you think I think when I go home at night ? " he asked . <p> When a reporter answered that he probably thought the Rangers could make the postseason , Showalter did not offer another word . He just smiled a confident smile . He was still breathing , still building . <p> URL : http : //www.nytimes.com 
##3000953 <p> Every morning is the same inside Tammy Thomas 's world of white . <p> White bedding . White walls . The white , bright California sun streaming in her window to remind her that , yes , she must rise and face another day of white noise . <p> Once one of the world 's top sprint cyclists , she rode to raucous cheers . Now , she is still . Once she had Olympic dreams . Now , they are like delusions . Suspended from competition for life in 2002 after testing positive for steroids , Tammy Thomas is 34 years old , lonely , all but broke , and adrift in troubles , most of them her own making . <p> She has gone from silver medalist at a world championship to pariah , the ultimate cautionary tale in a sports world increasingly disgraced by drug use . <p> As if she were a criminal , her photo is posted at the door of the nation 's main sports drug-testing lab , advising employees to call the police if they see her . Broad-shouldered and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a woman who hears a waiter say , " Can I take your plate , sir ? " <p> " Every day is the same day , " she said in her gravelly voice . " I used to be well respected . I made my parents proud . Now I 've embarrassed my family . For the rest of my life , wherever I go and whatever I do , I 'm going to be known as a cheater . " <p> Thomas neither denies nor confirms the charges against her . Still , because of the ban , her name will always be associated with the underworld of performance-enhancing drugs , the side of sports that is rife with shady supplement makers , seedy pharmacists and unethical doctors . <p> Being treated as an outcast makes her cringe , but when asked whether steroid use is wrong , she said : " Is it cheating if everyone does it ? I devoted 10 years of my life to this sport . Why me ? Why me ? Why can other athletes live a glorified life and my life is @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's Olympics has suggested the extent of drug use in sports : athletes from world class to amateur , famous to unknown , have been shown to be willing to risk their honor and health for an edge in competition . At the high-dollar end , there is Kelli White , a world-champion sprinter with a sponsorship from Nike . This spring she acknowledged taking a previously undetectable steroid and was barred for two years . Now she is cooperating with the investigation of the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative , a nutritional company whose founder and three others have been charged with distributing illegal steroids . <p> Then there is Thomas , whose sport , track cycling , delivers little in either attention or money . She is one of only two athletes barred from competition for life by the United States Anti-Doping Agency ( the hurdler Tony Dees is the other ) . Nearly as rare , she is one athlete willing to talk about drugs in sports because , she said , she hopes others can learn from her mistakes . <p> Living in the Shadows <p> Soon , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lifetime bans for four athletes connected to Balco , including Tim Montgomery , the world-record holder in the 100 meters , and Chryste Gaines , an Olympic and world champion in the sprint relay . Like Montgomery and Gaines , Thomas testified before a federal grand jury investigating Balco last fall . She said she was asked about her connection to Patrick Arnold , a chemist who is being investigated for possibly manufacturing tetrahydrogestrinone , or THG , a steroid once undetectable in drug screenings . <p> After testifying , Thomas , who had not been in the news since her 2002 suspension for a second drug offense , retreated into the shadows of the sports afterlife , her world a purgatory not for retired athletes , but for dishonored ones . <p> " I told her , ' You 're going to take a hit , but you have to try to get on with your life , " ' said Larry DeSario , 50 , a friend from Miami . <p> Last fall , Thomas moved from her hometown , Yazoo City , Miss. , to California to work @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lab at U.C.L.A. and its director , who discovered the previously undetectable steroid norbolethone in her urine sample , leading to her suspension . <p> Now she lives here , renting a room in the apartment of a 70-year-old woman . She works six days a week as a personal trainer at a private gym owned by Scot Mendelson , a professional powerlifter . Her paycheck , about $240 a week , does not go far , so she often eats at McDonald 's or at a chicken joint called Koo-Koo-Roo . When she telephones her family in Mississippi , she says she hides her troubles . <p> " My family loves me , and they think I 'm kind of a victim of this whole process , " Thomas said . " I ca n't bear to tell them how I 've been living , so I make everything sound really great . " <p> Her mother , Gwen Thomas , said Tammy would " get through everything just fine because she is a lot stronger and braver " than most people . <p> Still , Thomas struggles to keep @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ her appearance . She always wears the gold hoop earrings her mother gave her . While she scrimps on food , she saves for haircuts at a chic Beverly Hills salon . Inside her small purse there is Lancome 's Berry Tart lipstick , which she applies meticulously throughout the day . <p> Yet her purse is dwarfed by her strong hands . At 5 feet 7 inches and muscular , Thomas says she is mistaken for a man several times a week . Called sir , she quickly says , " That 's ma'am . " She realizes she is not a stereotypical woman , so it does n't bother her much . Besides , she said , she likes the attention that comes with being different . <p> At least that attention is better than the solitude that has become the norm of her life , part of the price Thomas has had to pay for being discredited by her sport . Her only friends in Los Angeles are Mendelson and his family , whom she met through a friend in Mississippi . <p> " I do n't really @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of my business , " Mendelson said , adding that he is against performance-enhancing drugs . " She has the qualifications to work for us , and that 's what counts . " <p> Mementos of a Lost Dream <p> As much as Thomas wants to escape the painful memories of her cycling , she surrounds herself with them . Her GT racing bike leans against a wall near her bed , red helmet hanging from the handlebars , gathering dust . Four racing wheels without tires are propped under the windows . In a room with bare walls , they are her melancholy artwork . <p> If she were asked to compete tomorrow , she would be ready . Her closet is a kaleidoscope of red , white and blue , her 13 national team jerseys hanging side by side . Next to them , neatly folded on hangers , are a half-dozen black cycling shorts and bibs . Old handlebars are shoved into a shoe rack alongside two pairs of size 5 1/2 cycling shoes . She said she had ridden her bike maybe 10 times in the past @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Thomas dreads each day because the Games were her life 's work , her one dream . Just before the 2000 Olympics , she tested positive for a high ratio of testosterone to epitestosterone and was given a one-year suspension , the first time she was branded a cheater . Now the brand is permanent . She said she would watch the Olympics from home again this year , but only the gymnastics , maybe the swimming . <p> " Cycling was my joy , " she said . " I have some good days , but mostly bad days . " <p> Lately , her days have been consumed by her legal case . <p> In June 2003 , Thomas , acting as her own lawyer and working on computers at Kinko 's , filed suit in a Los Angeles state court against several defendants , including the Olympic Analytical Laboratory at U.C.L.A. and its director , Dr. Donald H. Catlin . Her suit claims that Catlin used her urine samples as human subject research without her consent . Among other things , the suit sought punitive damages and her @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ federal judge granted the defendants ' summary judgment motion and dismissed the case . Thomas is appealing the decision , and her first brief is due Thursday . <p> Catlin , who is a scientist and medical doctor , tested Thomas 's urine sample and discovered norbolethone , a drug first manufactured in the 1960 's but never marketed . He also broke the code of THG , the designer steroid sent anonymously to the United States Anti-Doping Agency that was the catalyst for the Balco investigation . <p> " The drug testers just ca n't ignore the law , and I want to make sure that they realize that , " Thomas said . " I 'm all for hard-core drug testing , as long as the rules are the same for everyone . " <p> Though she said she has never tried to contact Catlin , her photo is posted at the front door of the drug-testing lab at U.C.L.A. Below it , a notice says she tested positive for a banned steroid and that the campus police should be called if she tries to enter the building . @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , she filed a discovery request for a copy . <p> " They probably think I 'm a psychopath and that I 'm going to blow up the building or something , " she said . " I 'm not an ax murderer , I 'm an athlete . There 's a big difference . " <p> Under advice from his lawyers , Catlin declined to comment on the matter . To keep busy otherwise , Thomas has found another outlet for the competitive instinct that once made her an elite athlete . While working at a gym in Mississippi , she tried powerlifting , a non-Olympic sport . Now her coach is Mendelson , who tried to reclaim an American Powerlifting Federation record at 1,005 pounds in the bench press on Saturday . <p> " We expect her to be world champion , " he said of Thomas . In June , Thomas bench-pressed 365 pounds to win the federation 's national championship in the 198-pound class , a competition where there was no drug testing . The winner 's medal hangs around the neck of another powerlifting award , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ bikini that sits in her closet . Those victories , she said , have not come close to replacing the ones she had in cycling . <p> Speaking generally , Thomas gave her explanation of how honest athletes turn bad . First , coaches , or " hook-ups , " give athletes what the coaches call vitamins , she said . Then those coaches slowly start changing the routine , giving their athletes pills of different colors and dosages . By the time the athletes figure out they are taking performance-enhancing drugs , Thomas said , it is almost too late to turn back . <p> The Power of Addiction <p> " At some point , the athlete has a choice to stop or keep going , " she said . " But you start to think that if you do n't take something , you 're going to lose . And who 's going to cheer for someone who finishes last in a heat ? " She added : " Athletes do n't really care about their bodies . They care more about winning . " <p> Thomas doubts that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " access to a whole medicine cabinet full of drugs . " In 1999 , for instance , she said she injected herself with an iron supplement for suckling pigs that she had bought from an online veterinarian . She could not find injectable iron for humans , which is supposed to boost performance . Five years later , at the injection site on her buttocks , there is still a lemon-size black-and-blue mark . <p> Athletes are not deterred by the financial cost of doping , Thomas said . She said she has known coaches who have often bought drugs for their athletes , sometimes from cheap Mexican pharmacies , because the coaches , too , profit from any success . <p> When asked directly about any personal steroid use , Thomas said , " I ca n't comment about that now . " She did say , though , that she believes steroid use creates a chemical dependency . Careful to use the third person , she said that athletes become addicted to winning and the self-esteem steroids create . <p> " You have to treat it like a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ figure out the root of the problem and heal the person . " <p> Though the United States Olympic Committee , the anti-doping agency and some sports federations spend money on education to prevent drug use , Thomas said she hoped they would start mandatory counseling for athletes who test positive . Bitterly , she said she had never received even an offer of counseling from USA Cycling or any other organization . <p> " I think it 's criminal because they use the athletes and throw them away when they 're done , " Thomas said . " They just want everything to look clean and nice because they want more sponsorship money . " <p> These days , she tries to stay healthy and , as she puts it , walk " a straight line . " She knows she has to if she is going to live a full life , which , for her , includes marrying and having children . Taking a first step , a few weeks ago , Thomas asked to borrow an acquaintance 's 12-step book . <p> " I 'm in the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ have to heal . " <p> " When I get up , I do n't like what I see in the mirror , " she added . " Where did the old Tammy Thomas go ? I need to find her . " <p> Old Habits Die Hard <p> Every day , she takes a multivitamin , iron pills and supplements like glucosamine and chondroitin for her joints . For extra energy , she said , she occasionally takes ephedra , an adrenaline-like stimulant that has been linked to cases of heart attack , stroke and sudden death . The sale of ephedra has been banned by the Food and Drug Administration . <p> " I have n't taken it in a couple of weeks , " she said . " Is n't that good ? " <p> Then she switches again to the third person . " It would be the best thing if an athlete admits that they have a problem and make some changes , " she said . " So it would be better for them if they quit the sport because , less temptation . It @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ weeks ago , she drove to Carson , 30 miles south of her apartment , for the junior national track cycling championships , seeing people she knew from her racing days . But she said that people ignored her when she said hello , even Des Dickie , the former national team coach . She said she sent Dickie an e-mail message that day , saying he should not be afraid to talk to her . <p> " It 's like I do n't exist anymore , like I never did , " Thomas said . <p> Dickie , USA Cycling 's national development director , said he did not see Thomas that day . He said he was reluctant to contact Thomas because she has threatened to sue him over the suspension . Dickie said he worries that the cyclists he coaches and their parents will deem him guilty by association if he talks to her . <p> " I do n't have anything against her because she has always been a very genuine person , " Dickie said . " Personally , she created a big problem for herself @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ what she did . " <p> Thomas has recently found a way to look forward . One day , while working on her case , she decided to apply to law school . " I feel on top of the world when I walk into a law library , " she said . <p> On Thomas 's bedroom floor is a study guide for the Law School Admissions Test . Last month , she received an application to the University of Mississippi 's law school , taking care not to bend the edges when the package came in the mail . On that application she wrote her work experience : personal trainer , trainer at the Y.M.C.A. , cyclist for the United States who traveled around the world . <p> Between recent workout sessions with clients , she drove to the post office to send the application by priority mail because she wants to begin her new life A.S.A.P. After handing the envelope to the clerk , she walked away with a vacant look , seemingly stunned at what she had done . <p> For the first time in a long @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , realizing that her new life is a blank piece of paper , all white , waiting to be filled in . <p> " Sometimes I believe that there could be happiness in the end , " she said . Then she swung open the post office 's glass door . There , in the white California sun , she sighed . <p> URL : http : //www.nytimes.com ( Photo by J. Emilio Flores for The New York Times ) ( pg . D1 ) Tammy Thomas , who was a world-class track cyclist before being suspended for using a performance-enhancing substance , lives quietly today in an apartment with souvenirs from her days of racing ( Photographs by J. Emilio Flores for The New York Times ) ( pg . D7 ) 
##3000954 <p> Even with a Mediterranean breeze , the salty sea air feels thick enough to hold in one 's hand . The teenage runners , most of them barefoot , are hopping at the starting line -- not to stay loose , but to keep their feet from being scorched by the steamy asphalt on one of Gaza City 's main thoroughfares . <p> Sanaa Abu Bkheet , 19 , one of the lucky few with training shoes , is running in what is scheduled to be her final race before heading to Athens to compete in the 800 meters as one of just two Palestinian Olympians . <p> Most of the kids are several years younger than Abu Bkheet ( pronounced buh-KEET ) , and the competition resembles a fun run for summer campers rather than a pre-Olympic tuneup . <p> Such are the conditions for Abu Bkheet , an athlete without a recognized country , a runner without a track to train on , a half-miler whose only formal race this year was in Iran in February . <p> With a personal best of 2 minutes @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Abu Bkheet will not be a medal contender at Athens . Her goal is simply to meet Maria Mutola , the Mozambican who has dominated the 800 for a decade , not to defeat her . <p> When she first started training seriously three years ago in her hometown of Deir al-Balah , eight miles south of Gaza City , Abu Bkheet was the target of stones and ridicule from boys who had never seen a girl running through the sandy streets of her traditional , conservative community . Her outfit -- a T-shirt and shorts -- was considered downright scandalous by some . <p> But Abu Bkheet 's mother , Amnah , a former athlete herself , and her father , Abed , a policeman , went door-to-door to inform neighbors that the lithe girl with the spring in her stride would be a regular sight on the rutted roads . Harassment has long since turned to encouragement , Abu Bkheet said , though there are still hardships aplenty . <p> " We still do n't have anywhere decent to train , and the competition is very limited , " @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ translator . She works out daily with a group of about 15 boys and girls in a vacant lot near the beach . " We know we need to do things like lift weights . But for now , we just do a lot of simple exercises , like pushups and situps . " <p> One obstacle to becoming a top-flight track athlete in Gaza is that there is no track . The impoverished coastal territory , where 1.3 million Palestinians live , does have a dusty soccer field at Yarmouk Stadium in Gaza City . Soccer is the most popular sport among Palestinians , but on occasion , track officials mark off an oval and stage a race . <p> Here , Abu Bkheet first displayed her talent , though her school did not have organized sports for girls . <p> " We just went to competitions once in a while , " she said . " We never did any training . " <p> On a typical day , Abu Bkheet rises at 5 a.m. and downs a tablespoon of olive oil , to bring good health . Then @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ <p> In the afternoon , Abu Bkheet and her sister Wissam , 17 , walk about an hour to the empty lot where their coach , Sameer al-Nabaheen , has marked off a semicircle in the dirt and sand that allows them to run 200-meter intervals . <p> The ground is littered with rocks and burrs from the scrub brush . But Abu Bkheet did not have running shoes until a European television crew bought her a pair of Brooks trainers a few months ago after filming a story about her . <p> " Until then , I just ran barefoot , and my training partners still do n't have shoes , " she said . " I 'm faster barefoot , but you are always getting stickers in your toes . " <p> Her running career began shortly after the current round of Israeli-Palestinian fighting erupted in September 2000 . And her hometown , Deir al-Balah , has been the scene of clashes between Israeli security forces and Palestinian militants . <p> During periods of violence , the Israelis have often set up roadblocks on the main coastal road outside @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . <p> On this day , Israeli troops are operating in the northern and southern ends of Gaza , and three Palestinians are killed in the fighting . <p> In the center of Gaza , the Israelis have lifted the roadblock on the coastal road for the first time in several days . This allowed Abu Bkheet to travel to Gaza City to compete in the road race . <p> " We struggle to give these boys and girls opportunities , " said Nabil Mabrouk , the president of Palestinian track and field . " We have no facilities and no budget . Sports means these kids have something to do , and they can stay out of trouble . If we open a track , we can close a prison . " <p> The limited athletic options for Palestinians have further contracted during the past four years of Mideast violence . Israel has imposed tough travel restrictions , and Gaza residents face many obstacles to leaving the territory , or even traveling inside it . Abu Bkheet has been relatively fortunate in getting at least a small taste of foreign @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , in addition to her trip to Iran . <p> Abu Bkheet left Gaza for Greece about a month before the Games to take part in a training program sponsored by the Greek government . <p> And although the Palestinians have not obtained statehood , the International Olympic Committee has allowed them to send a token team to the Summer Games since the establishment of the Palestinian Authority a decade ago . <p> The Palestinians sent one athlete to the 1996 Games in Atlanta , and two athletes , including a woman , to Sydney in 2000 , according to Palestinian Olympic officials . In Athens , Abu Bkheet will be joined by Raad Aweisat , a 17-year-old swimmer from the Jerusalem area who will compete in the 100-meter butterfly . <p> The Abu Bkheet family lives in a simple but well-kept cinderblock house , surrounded by date palms . The living room consists of a plastic table and chairs , a television set and few ornaments aside from the trophies and medals won by Abu Bkheet and Wissam , a 1,500-meter runner with a personal best of 5:06 . <p> @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ girls and two boys -- and her father had a stroke in January . Much of his monthly salary , a little more than $200 , now goes for his medicine , the family said . Reflecting the conservative society , Mrs. Bkheet wears an ankle-length , full-sleeve green dress and a mustard head scarf despite the summer heat . Abu Bkheet wears blue jeans , a short-sleeve top , gold earrings and a black-knit cap . When she trains , Abu Bkheet runs in tights that stretch just below the knee and a T-shirt . <p> She completed high school earlier this summer and plans to attend Al Aksa University in Gaza and continue training . Her goal is to crack the 2-minute barrier and join the elite athletes in her event for the Beijing Olympics in 2008 . <p> On this day , the road race begins next to the otherwise deserted parliament building in Gaza City . With the Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat confined to the West Bank city of Ramallah for more than two years , there is little sign of the government 's presence in Gaza @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as the runners set off . Abu Bkheet runs with a muscular , bouncy stride , without the practiced smoothness of an experienced runner . She easily finishes first among the girls , and behind a few boys , in a time of just over 9 minutes on a course stretching about a mile and a half . At the finish line , a boy with a hose cools down the blistered feet of the barefoot runners . <p> " I 'm more motivated when I can run against the boys , " Abu Bkheet said . " But it was very hot , and I prefer the distance I 'm used to . " <p> Mabrouk , the track and field president , looked on with admiration . " Sanaa is not world class yet , but she is our champion . " <p> URL : http : //www.nytimes.com Abu Bkheet 's medals are displayed in her family 's home in Deir al-Balah , eight miles south of Gaza City . ( PHOTOGRAPHS BY RUTH FREMSON/The New York Times ) 
##3000955 <p> For weeks , the raw images inside Jason Read 's mind had disappeared . <p> The five days he had spent at ground zero after the towers fell -- wiggling into smoldering holes to search for survivors , picking through rubble , watching last rites given to firefighters younger than himself -- all gone . <p> " My brain was probably doing it to protect me , " he said . " That was good because no one is strong enough to process everything that happened down there . You needed time to heal first . " <p> For Read , a rower on the United States national team and volunteer chief of the Amwell Valley Rescue Squad in Ringoes , N.J. , the healing came in quiet places . In his room , with the lights low . At a church , head bowed . On the water , pulling on his oar . <p> And now , though the painful memories of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center will never be gone , Read has transformed them into a positive force : motivation @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ glamour event , the men 's eight , at this summer 's Olympics . Although he has been on the senior national team three times before , he said this time would be different . He wants to help the United States eight win its first Olympic gold medal in 40 years -- not for himself , but for America , for the people who lost their lives or loved ones on Sept. 11 , 2001 . <p> " All of my emotions from that time have been building up inside of me for so long , " Read said , holding back tears . " They are fuel for me , and I 'm going to harness them and win . <p> " I envision it every day , " he added . " I 'll be standing there under the American flag , singing the national anthem . Well , I 'll sing , I guess , if I can . I 'll be so broken up . I 'll be lucky to talk at that point . " <p> Read , whom his teammates and coaches call " @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 6 feet -1 inch and 180 pounds , with brown unruly hair and tanned skin . But what stands out most is his quirky personality , a combination of sensitive and cocky , serious and goofy . <p> One instant , Read is the man who , at 21 , became the youngest volunteer fire chief in New Jersey . He is soulful , mulling over thoughts before verbalizing them in what may be poetry . <p> The next , he is giddy , showing off photos of his most recent crush , a Princeton woman he met while training at the university 's boathouse . During rowing practices , to cut the tension , he always finds something upbeat to say . " I know how to inject needed levity into any situation , " Read said , all scholarly . <p> When he was 12 , his two brothers , both older , simply thought he was obnoxious . Blame it on a friend 's police and fire scanner , which he listened to daily . <p> Soon , Read had a scanner of his own and listened to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ it . " He drove them crazy with all those little beeping sounds , " said Read 's mother , Joan . " It was like when he was 4 , he was obsessed with naming all the state capitals , all day long . He puts his mind to something and stays there . " <p> Read was 14 when he joined the Hopewell Fire Department in New Jersey as a junior volunteer . At 16 , he became an emergency medical technician . At 17 , during summers , he signed onto the Atlantic City Beach Patrol . <p> When he was 13 , just before his career in rescue began , Read joined his school 's crew team , first as a coxswain , the small guy who sits in the stern of the boat , steering and shouting commands . As a freshman at The Hun School of Princeton , he switched to rowing , just a scrawny kid , at 5-1 , 115 pounds , with big hopes . That season at the Princeton University boathouse , where his school trained , he met Mike Teti @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ team coach . <p> Read walked up to Teti , smiling wide , silver braces gleaming , and said , " I 'm going to row with you in the Olympics one day . " Teti remembers looking at the boy slim and light as a Popsicle stick and saying , " Sure , kid , sure . " <p> Eventually , Read grew another 12 inches , but was still small for heavyweight rowing , in which there is no maximum size . He has size 14 feet , but is the shortest and lightest man in the United States ' men 's eight . The other rowers are at least 6-3 and 200 pounds . The biggest one is 6-7 , 215 . <p> Teti said Read 's confidence makes up for his size . " I do n't even think J.R . has to train , " he said . " His will is just that powerful . Usually , rowing is 30 percent physical , 30 percent technical and 30 percent psychological , but with Jason , it 's 10 percent physical , 5 percent technical , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ is the man . " <p> At home in New Jersey , Read is the man , in a different way . He lives with his mother in a perfectly appointed house , on a farm of rolling hills where his family used to stable horses and hounds for fox hunting . Between rowing practices at Princeton , 20 minutes away , he is still chief of his rescue squad , active in administrative and hands-on duties . <p> When not trying to raise $100,000 for a new squad station , he tends to car accidents , fires and construction-site mishaps , like a recent one in which a worker broke his leg and several ribs , and could not breathe . <p> " If my teammates and coach knew I was going into a burning building or doing these dangerous things , they 'd kill me , " he said . " So I just tell them I took a nap . " <p> And napping is what Read was doing the morning of Sept. 11 , before he woke up to the sound of his mother crying . <p> @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Rowing Championships in Lucerne , Switzerland , depressed because the team had finished fourth . Returning to regular life , he was commuting to Temple University in Philadelphia , where he was a senior economics major on a rowing scholarship . <p> But on Sept. 11 , he was neither student nor athlete ; he was a rescue worker . He grabbed his lifesaving gear and was off . That night at Liberty State Park , at 23 years old , he was the volunteer communications officer , in charge of mobilizing about 500 doctors , nurses , E.M.T. 's and other emergency workers . <p> In the silence of an eerie evening , even after no survivors came ashore from Manhattan , he kept going . He took a ferry to ground zero to help set up one of the site 's major treatment areas . <p> Walking through the World Financial Center , he learned what he would be dealing with . " It 's where I found a leg , " he said . <p> " For most people , 9/11 was different because they had to digest @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " he said . " But for the people who were there , we have to somehow reflect and face a profound experience . Our minds were inundated with hundreds of thousands of images . Do you know what kind of introspection that causes ? I thought , ' Why am I still rowing ? I should be enlisting . " ' <p> The images are burned into Read 's head now : an American flag waving above the wreckage that was the World Trade Center , many American flags draped over the bodies of the dead firefighters pulled from the twisted , smoldering metal . He had nightmares for months after that search-and-rescue mission . <p> That fall , he took the semester off from Temple , worrying his mother because he did not talk much anymore . <p> " He backed away from a lot of family and friends , " Joan Read said . " And he threw himself into rowing . " <p> With Read in the boat , pulling hard and always keeping what he calls the " morale-o-meter " up with his encouraging words , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ worlds that year . Last year , it was silver . This June , Read was in the United States four that shocked the favored Canadians and British by winning a World Cup race in Lucerne . This year , Teti said , is Read 's best season yet . <p> Read said a newfound spirituality has played a part in that . He was baptized Lutheran , rarely going to church before Sept. 11 . But on Easter 2002 , he reaffirmed his faith in God and was confirmed in the Catholic Church , moved by the support he was given after Sept. 11 by Catholic friends and the Rev. Thomas Mullelly , the chaplain for the national rowing team and for Princeton . <p> On his confirmation day , Read received a small card from his sponsor , Hank Teti , Mike Teti 's father . On it is his name , the word " Healer " and a Bible verse . <p> Read choked up when he read the card , gently touching the edges as he whispered : " I 've been given strength by someone -- @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ are in the most compromising positions . I do n't know why . I do n't know why I 've been blessed that way . " <p> URL : http : //www.nytimes.com Read practicing with his teammate Wyatt Allen , left , on Lake Carnegie near Princeton . His day can include work as a 911 dispatcher at Capital Health System in Trenton , followed , below , by a row in the early evening on the lake near the university 's boathouse . ( PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHANG W. LEE/The New York Times ) Read at the Bank of New York operations center opposite 7 World Trade Center . ( Photo by Bernard Weil/The Toronto Star ) 
##3000957 <p> Around the corner from a check-cashing center , on the top floor of a three-family home , Ron Siler Sr. sat in a small living room with the lights off . <p> An old television set hissed while he waited for the arrival of the tenant downstairs , the Olympic boxer who bears his name . <p> Impatient , Siler Sr. navigated the steps and knocked on the door of his son , Ron Siler Jr. , and asked him to come upstairs to watch a boxing tape with him . Siler Jr . lives with his five children , all boys , and one of the two mothers of his children . He is busy . <p> " Dad , " Siler Jr . said , " I need some personal time . " <p> " But you have to be the best , " said his father , prodding until his son gave in . " All I ask is that you trust in me and follow my lead . " <p> This is the pact that father and son have made during their life @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . They have lived at 11 addresses , including one apartment where Siler Jr. , as an infant , slept in a dresser drawer next to his father 's bed . They lived in another apartment that burned down when a neighbor left some hot dogs cooking on a stove . <p> But nothing -- not even jail -- has kept the 24-year-old Siler Jr. , a skinny , 112-pounder , from becoming the best American amateur boxer in his class and a favorite to win a medal at the Olympic Games in Athens . <p> From the moment Siler Sr. placed a punching bag in the middle of the living room so Siler Jr . could work off his temper , they have worked as coach and protege to forge a boxing career out of ashes . <p> They have come here , to this slanted house on a slanted hill near downtown Cincinnati , to paint the final touches on what they hope will be Olympic gold . <p> " The only thing is , he talks to me 24-7 , " Siler Jr . said . " It @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , you got ta work on that , we need to work on this . ' Sometimes I have to tell him , ' Save it for the gym , ' and he 'll be like , ' No , no , no , you have to learn outside the ring , too . " ' <p> Despite occasional friction , there is mutual respect . Each is undersized ( Siler Jr . is 5 feet 6 , his father 5-3 1/2 ) . Each has spent time running the streets in Over-the-Rhine , a neighborhood that has seen its share of death on its doorsteps . <p> " He ran with a gang , " Siler Jr . said of his father , " but he did n't want me to go that way . He wanted me to prosper in life . He always tells me stories , and his friends always tell me stories , that he was one of the toughest little guys on the streets . He was the type of guy that was going to hit the big guy first . Nobody messed with little @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ slowed down . He is married with 10 children , including Siler Jr . His past exists only in memories , but those memories color his life and that of his son . Upheaval has been a constant companion , poverty a family friend . <p> " My momma carried me to my daddy on the corner and said , ' Here , " ' Siler Sr. recalled of his own childhood . " Then he gave me to his momma . " <p> Siler Sr. lived with his grandmother until she died , when he was 13 . He became an orphan , coming into contact with " some people that made sure I went to school , " he said . " To be frank , it was a whorehouse . There were three kitty-cat clubs , and I used to sit outside and wash the johns ' cars when they went inside . I did n't say much and I did n't bother anybody . " <p> And at day 's end , Siler Sr. said he went inside . The routine lasted about four years , Siler @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ space , " he said . " There were about eight women , and I listened to all of their weird stories , but they took care of me . " <p> When Siler Sr. reached adulthood , he kept a nomadic lifestyle . He drank , chased women and bounced between jobs cooking and cleaning in restaurants and hotels . <p> One woman he dated , a 19-year-old named Sharolynn Harper of Knoxville , Tenn. , who already had two children , wanted to marry him , but Siler Sr. would not commit . When she became pregnant with Siler Sr. 's child , the couple made a decision . <p> " We decided that , should we ever break up , he would raise the child , " Harper said from Chattanooga , Tenn. , where she works as a telecommunications technician . " It was not an easy decision . " <p> On April 8 , 1980 , Siler Jr . was born . Two years later , after Siler Sr. and Harper broke up , he and the child boarded a Greyhound bus . <p> Siler Jr @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ relationship a fragile foundation built on the occasional phone call . <p> " Sometimes I knew their address , sometimes I did n't have a clue , " Harper said . " I would always tell his father , if he ever needed anything or if he felt he could n't raise him , to let me know . " <p> When Siler Jr . was a teenager , he almost moved to Tennessee to be with Harper , but she said he did not feel comfortable . <p> " There have been times when I wanted to tell him , ' Come and live with me , baby , ' but I have to let him be a man , too , " said Harper , who has since married . " I 'm waiting for the day where we can sit down and have enough time to laugh together and , more likely , cry together . I know he might have hate in his heart . I just want him to know that he was loved , too . He was not a throwaway baby . " <p> @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ but he never felt abandoned . " The only time I ever really called for her was when I was getting whippings , " he said . " I 'm thankful that I had a mother , and I 'm thankful she called my father to come and get me instead of just leaving me out there for anybody to have . " <p> Having Siler Jr . as a constant companion changed Siler Sr. , but only by degrees . Each recalled an incident when the son was 7 , waiting for his father to return home from a bar across the street . Siler Sr. and his friends were inside playing chess for drinks . Siler Sr. was the big winner that night . <p> " He was drunk and he was walking up the middle of the street , " said Siler Jr. , who had gone outside to meet his father and take him home . " He was holding my hand and I was grabbing on . " <p> When Siler Jr . was 10 , his father , a fan of martial arts movies , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ watching boxing on television . <p> He taught Siler Jr. , who is right-handed , the unorthodox style of throwing jabs with the right hand instead of the left . <p> As punishment , Siler Sr. would tie his son 's left arm behind his back and make him throw punches only with the right . <p> The opportunities for disciplining Siler Jr . were many . When he was 14 , the city 's low-income housing authority evicted Siler Jr . and his father because the son had been caught selling drugs . <p> " My father did n't whip me , I was just embarrassed that he lost his house , " Siler Jr . said . " I do n't know if my father knows how much it hurt me that I did that . When I was selling drugs to dope fiends , I was like , ' I 'm getting out of character . This is n't even me . ' After I got caught , I never did it again . " <p> But two years ago , police did arrest him again , for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . Already on probation for receiving stolen property , Siler Jr . served almost one year of a 17-month sentence in a Dayton , Ohio , correctional facility . <p> To this day , Siler Jr . insists police made a mistake . His father believes him . <p> " I looked at him through those bars , " Siler Sr. said , " and he told me , ' Daddy , I 've done some things and I 've got locked up for them . But I 'm being locked up for something I did n't do . " ' <p> Siler Sr. , who had also spent time in jail as a younger man , told his son that his boxing career and his life were in jeopardy . Siler Jr . said he listened . <p> " I 've taken in a lot of wisdom , " Siler Jr . said . " I learned from the streets and hung out on the street . I became closer to my father . I realize , through all the trouble I 've been through , all the controversy , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ what . My father never turned his back . " <p> The lesson , Siler Jr . said , will be passed down to his children , who are the main reason he will turn professional after the Olympics , regardless of how he does in Athens . <p> " I want them to go to school , " Siler Jr . said . " I want them to do whatever they want to do , as long as it 's positive . If they want to box , I 'll let them box . If they want to play tennis , if they want to play hockey , if they want to be a ballerina , if that 's what they want to do , that 's all they are going to do . I 'm going to encourage them . " <p> Siler Jr . will not be alone in Athens . Siler Sr. , though awaiting his passport , expects to be at Peristeri Olympic Boxing Hall for his son 's bouts . Siler Jr . will have another fan in Athens , someone who will be seeing @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ mother . <p> Harper saw Siler Jr . compete in the Titan Games in Atlanta in June . It was only about the fifth time they had seen each other since he moved in with Siler Sr. , some 22 years ago . <p> " We had a big , long hug , " Siler Jr . said . " She told me I made her real proud when I told her I need to talk to a lawyer before I sign anything . She said I sounded like a grown man when I said that . " <p> Harper said of her son : " I tell him sometimes , he was very lucky to have had his father raise him . For one thing , had I raised him , he would not have been boxing at all . I would have focused more on education . He 's been through a lot of things that he would not have gone through had he been with me . Maybe it was good for him . <p> " Sometimes I say I wished I had raised him . But he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ URL : http : //www.nytimes.com With hands so fast , a workout approaches . Ron Siler Sr. had 10 children . Ron Siler Jr. , who was separated from his mother when he was 2 , has five children , all sons , including , from left , Ron'Nikko , Alerion and D'Shawn . ( PHOTOGRAPHS BY VINCENT LAFORET/The New York Times ) 
##3000958 <p> WELCOME Home . <p> That 's what it says on the Olympic banners that have magically appeared on lampposts all over this renovated city . <p> Homecoming Day is five days away in the land where the Olympic Games began , more than 2,000 years ago . <p> " We love our history , " said Konstantinos Koletsis , the maitre d'hotel of the Omonia Times restaurant . <p> Greeks love their history because there is so much of it -- and because it is so vivid . Take a walk around this city , and suddenly you are on Achilles Street or Socrates Street or the street named after Pindar , who wrote about the early Games , before Caesar , before Napoleon , before Juan Antonio Samaranch . <p> In the narrow streets of the Plaka or Monastiraki , at the foot of the Acropolis , you feel these ancients strolling past you . <p> The Olympic Games are part of Greek history . Now Greeks have asserted their right to hold them once again , for the first time since 1896 . <p> Like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ road , including a blunt and public rejection for the centennial Games . Once chosen for 2004 , Athens has labored mightily , at great ( and , some would say , horrible ) expense , to stage these Games -- and their valiant effort is starting to show . There are trees and grass where a year ago there was rubble . There are stadiums and arenas where a year ago there were holes in the ground . <p> Will there be enough security and electricity and transportation for whatever tourists show up ? It is too soon to tell . But the Greeks have strained to get this far , because their honor and heritage are on international trial . <p> More than almost any people on earth , Greeks seem to take pride in events that happened more than two millenniums ago , but there is also a sense of sadness . <p> " We are not the same as our ancestors , " said Christine Kolliniati , who worships in an Orthodox church in Monastiraki . <p> She looks up toward the fabled Acropolis and talks about @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " Ships coming into Piraeus could see the gold of the statue . But now we have nothing . " <p> She is upset that the British Museum still holds the treasures known as the Elgin Marbles . <p> The ancient heritage drives these Games . The sense of loss raises hope for Greek infrastructure to catch up with Western Europe 's , hope of asserting what Greek pride used to be . <p> " We have ancient stadiums at Delphi and Olympic , and now we are going to the age of Calatrava , " said Gianna Angelopoulos-Daskalaki , the president of the Olympic organizing committee , referring to the Spanish architect 's elaborate soaring roof over the main stadium . <p> The roof has come to be a symbol , an expensive gesture , a self-induced necessity for the success of these very Greek Games . <p> Greeks are great hosts . A visitor can not help but be touched by people 's willingness to speak English , by the sheer perfection of chicken souvlaki and baked sardines in a taverna , by the smiles and jokes from strangers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . Just as an athlete could win or lose a wrestling match in Olympia 2,500 years ago , so this modern nation can either gain or lose from this extravagant effort . <p> " We are the small guy , " said Alexander Kitroeff , a professor at Haverford College in Pennsylvania , who will return to Greece to observe these Games . " Historically , we have been kicked around . This is our moment . " <p> Kitroeff said the long domination by Turkey and the occupation during World War II produced a " Greek self-defense mechanism . " He added that a good set of Games would make Greeks feel more connected to the richer nations of Europe . <p> The legacy of games all over the Greek world , hundreds of years before Christ , touched a nerve in Europeans of the 19th century . In Athens in 1896 , Baron Pierre de Coubertin helped organize the first modern Games , based in horseshoe-shaped Panathinaiko Stadium . <p> Coubertin was so dedicated to the Olympic spirit that his heart is now buried in Olympia , the site @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the Olympic tradition in the face of the International Olympic Committee in 1990 when it was time to choose the site of the centennial Games . <p> " The Greek invocation of history and tradition miscarried , " Kitroeff writes in his recent book , " Wrestling With the Ancients : Modern Greek Identity and the Olympics , " published by greekworks.com of New York . The 1996 Games went to Atlanta , but in 1997 , Athens was awarded the 2004 Games , partly in tribute to the Greek place in history . <p> The country promptly went into a three-year coma , from 1997 to 2000 , that ended only when Angelopoulous-Daskalaki , a wealthy lawyer who had helped win the bid , was brought back from limbo . <p> The 2004 Summer Games are a work in progress , far behind other hosts in the days before their Games . The city is marked by piles of construction debris , fresh tar hastily splattered on new roadways , scraggly bushes just plopped in the hard earth , raw buildings , wet paint , dangling wires , sidewalks with @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ugly grit on cars parked on the street . <p> But the new transit lines are moving fitfully , seats are being tightened into place and thousands of workers in colorful Olympic uniforms are commuting to their new tasks , which they will perform for only a few weeks . <p> Chrysanthi Kioussi , a computer expert with three degrees , is working at the credential center at the airport . After the Summer Games ( and the subsequent Paralympics ) are over , she will seek a long-term job . Asked if she related to Greek heroes , she said , " Yes , from 50 years ago , when we started to have democracy . " <p> Other Greeks look back further . Taking his family on a ride on the balky new tramline to Glyfada the other night was George Tassopoulos , a dentist , who says he reads the historian Thucydides for pleasure . <p> Greek gods are so real and Greek heroes are so legendary that it is hard to know where mythology lets up and history begins . Angelopoulos-Daskalaki often refers to the siege of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and her sister grew up playing at being the Oracle of Delphi . <p> History is even in the eccentric napkin rings created by Koletsis , the manager of the Omonia Times restaurant , whose name is homage to the newspapers that used to be printed near Omonia Square . He has folded supple rectangles of plastic copier sheets , with sections from a glossary of Olympic terms printed on them . <p> " They are from Rigas Fereos , a hero of ours from the 19th century , " he said the other day . " He died in Vienna , and we remember him . " <p> The ultimate history of these 2004 Summer Games is held hostage by multiple captors -- I.O.C. demands , network guidelines , unrealistic expectations of tourism , technology complexities , upgraded security , political realities , mushrooming needs of athletes and the news media , brutal August weather , potential terrorism and rising costs . <p> Some critics say the Games should never have been held in a nation of 11 million , the smallest to hold a Summer Games since Finland in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ as hoped , and the concern over terrorism has ratcheted up security costs far beyond what was imaginable before 2001 . <p> " Anyway , we would still pay these taxes , " said Ilias Cohen of Volos , who is working at the new Kol Tuv kosher restaurant in Monastiraki during the Games . " This way , at least we have something for them . " <p> Some Greeks feel the Games could be ruinous . Other Greeks feel the Games are their birthright . <p> " They should be here every four years , " said Ilias Thomloudis , now of Bridgeport , Pa. , who was standing in the ticket line outside the still beautiful Panathinaiko Stadium last week . <p> " That way we could always have good construction , " he said . <p> Actually , this sense of entitlement is a recurrent theme , from past prime ministers to the gyro seller on the corner . Professor Kitroeff from Haverford suggested that if these Games go well , some citizens will be sure to claim the Games in perpetuity , at the center of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ : http : //www.nytimes.com The main Olympic stadium is part of the Athens Olympic Sports Complex , which was redesigned by Santiago Calatrava , the Spanish architect and engineer . ( Photo by Oliver Multhaup/European Pressphoto Agency ) The ticket line outside Panathinaiko Stadium . Ticket sales have been sluggish . ( Photo by Ann Johansson/Corbis ) Greek flags and Olympic merchandise are proliferating throughout Athens , which had hoped to hold the centennial Games . " Historically , we have been kicked around , " said Alexander Kitroeff , a professor at Haverford College . " This is our moment . " ( Photographs by Ann Johansson/Corbis ) Security , along with electricity and transportation , will be tested during the Games . ( Photo by Oliver Multhaup/European Pressphoto Agency ) ( pg . 12 ) 
##3000959 <p> WHEN is a job interview not an interview ? In baseball , it 's usually when a minority candidate is the interviewee . <p> The question arises now with the inclusion of Jerry Manuel among the four men the Seattle Mariners said were finalists for their managing job . That characterization came as news to Manuel . <p> The former manager of the Chicago White Sox , Manuel was the only minority candidate among the four ; Grady Little , Terry Collins and Mike Hargrove , who got the job , were the other finalists . <p> " I think they had someone in mind before the lunch , " Manuel said . " I 've noticed in the process most of the people have someone in mind , and unless you have a philosophy that knocks them over , that you pretty much do n't have a shot . I have n't seen it as being open . " <p> Manuel had lunch in Los Angeles early last month with Bill Bavasi , the Mariners ' general manager , and two of his assistants . Manuel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for the job . <p> " I guess you could call it an interview , " Manuel , speaking uncertainly , said by telephone . " I would assume it was more of a personal meeting , I felt , versus an interview . " <p> Did they say he was being interviewed for the job ? " I ca n't recollect the term they used , " Manuel said . " They said , ' We 're going to ask you questions even though it is n't an interview , but it is an interview . ' The way it was expressed to me was : ' We 'd like to get to know you . This is a get-to-know-you lunch . We 've already done our research . " ' <p> Manuel was asked again if he had been interviewed for the job . " I 'd have to answer no , I do n't think I was interviewed for the job , " he said . <p> Bavasi said the Mariners , by design , did not technically interview any of the four finalists . He said they @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ decided which ones they wanted to meet . Manuel , he said , was treated the same as the other three finalists . <p> " We told each guy we did n't intend it to be an interview , " Bavasi said . " We were going more on research than on interviews . Not enough is learned in interviews . We wanted to get to know them . " <p> Bavasi said he was " shocked , disappointed and angry " at Manuel 's reaction , but he added : " Everybody interprets things on his own . He 's a man of integrity . That 's what our research led us to believe . That 's how he viewed things . We accept that , but it 's disappointing . " <p> Commissioner Bud Selig has ordered clubs to include minority candidates in their interviewing process , but often clubs go through the motions with no intention of hiring them . <p> Before he was named the manager of the Mets earlier this month , Willie Randolph was interviewed for a dozen managing jobs , and many of them @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ day he was supposed to be interviewed for the Colorado job , the Rockies announced that they had hired Buddy Bell , making the announcement because word had leaked to the news media . <p> " Mr. O'Dowd , " Randolph recalled , referring to Dan O'Dowd , the Rockies ' general manager , " called me and said , ' Can we do this on the phone ? " ' <p> That is not the kind of interview Selig had in mind when he issued his directive in 1999 . On the other hand , Selig said he was satisfied that the Mariners had met their obligation . <p> Hargrove , who was previously the manager with Cleveland and Baltimore , said the Mariners did not follow the standard interview process . But he said , " I think it was a very thorough process from what I understand . " <p> Hargrove said he had dinner with Bavasi and his assistants in Phoenix , talking to them for three or four hours . Part of Manuel 's doubt about the sincerity of his lunch meeting was that it lasted @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to know me in two hours , " he said . " I 'd hope they would have more depth than two hours . It was n't a thorough , philosophical thing . " <p> Losing Your Place <p> This has not been a good year for top executives of expansion teams . First , Jerry Colangelo was pushed out in Arizona , and now Jerry McMorris , who had slipped a couple of rungs on the Colorado Rockies ' executive ladder , is out , too . <p> McMorris , who was the driving force behind the Rockies in their early years in the 90 's , went from serving as the team 's chairman , president and chief executive to co-vice chairman to no position at all . He has even lost his seat on the team 's board of directors . <p> In Colangelo 's case , his new partners decided he had squandered too much money . One estimate has the Diamondbacks losing $80 million a year and in such debt to some of their players that baseball officials are concerned about their ability to pay the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ did him in , though not over exorbitant expenditures . The Monfort brothers , Charles ( chairman and chief executive ) and Richard ( the other vice chairman ) , decided they no longer needed or wanted McMorris 's aid in running the Rockies . <p> Life with the Rockies began turning sour for McMorris , who had been a good friend of the Monforts ' father , when his trucking business failed in 1999 . He retains a 12.4 percent ownership share of the Rockies , but he is seeking a buyer . <p> " I 'm shocked , " he said , clearly unhappy with Rockies developments . " I do n't know what 's going on . There 's been no explanation or anything . " <p> McMorris , who continues to operate his land and cattle businesses , said he would not preclude the possibility of returning to baseball as an investor in another team . <p> Sharing the Wealth <p> In voting on World Series shares , Boston Red Sox players were so magnanimous that they must have included players going back to 1918 , the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ year . <p> Although calculations have not been made final , the Red Sox voted for nearly 60 full shares , as well as partial shares that would bring the total to nearly 70 . <p> By comparison , the Florida Marlins awarded 37 full shares and 29 partial shares last year . <p> A winning share for the Marlins was $305,361.77 . The players ' pool this year , $42,187,763.96 , was greater than the pool last year , $41,363,446.14 , meaning the 36 percent winners ' share of the pool for the Red Sox was slightly higher ( by $296,755 ) than the Marlins ' share of a year ago . <p> But because the Red Sox have been so generous with their awards , their individual shares will be less , closer to $225,000 . <p> Umpiring Themselves <p> The vivid pictures of six umpires gathering on the field in the postseason -- discussing questionable calls and reversing the original calls on two occasions -- have very likely saved baseball from instant replay . <p> Instant replay has been a topic of discussion at the annual general managers @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ support . But at the meetings last week , the general managers voted , 15-15 , on replay , the same as they did four years ago . <p> The general manager who first raised the issue has changed his mind , however . Jim Bowden , then of Cincinnati and now of Montreal/Washington , said the plays in Game 6 of the playoff series between the Yankees and the Red Sox had demonstrated that the umpires could " get it right . " <p> The umpires got it right because they conferred . Those conferences , or consultations , were a result of several years ' effort . <p> " That 's something both the umpires and management agreed was a good idea ; the idea was to get it right , " said Larry Gibson , the lawyer for the umpires union . <p> When the league umpiring staffs were merged in 2000 , Sandy Alderson , chief of baseball operations , set out to improve umpiring in certain areas . Getting calls right through consultation was one of them . <p> " It 's one of the things @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's something the umpires have done more routinely the last two , three years . " <p> Gibson said the goal of the leadership of the new union was to improve the umpires ' image . " Before this union took over , it was more every man for himself , " Gibson said . " ' I called it , I saw it and I stand by it . ' The umpires have made a concerted effort the last three , four years . " <p> Alderson , Gibson said , has said he wants the umpires to be regarded " as the most highly respected officials , " adding , " Union and management have identical objectives . " <p> URL : http : //www.nytimes.com Umpires huddled to discuss questionable calls in the postseason , and they reversed them on two occasions , quieting calls for instant replay . ( Photo by Barton Silverman/The New York Times ) 
##3000960 <p> From the living room of his Colorado dream house , Tyler Hamilton sees miles of rolling hills covered with evergreens . In the distance , snow-capped mountains form the Continental Divide . The sky is muted orange , promising another magnificent sunset . <p> Behind him , around the neck of a grinning carved wood moose , hangs the Olympic gold medal he won in the cycling time trial at the Athens Games . On the walls are photographs of his golden retriever , Tugboat , who died in July and whose tag Hamilton wore inside his helmet on that winning ride . Next to the couch , a wood box holds Tugboat 's ashes , a long lock of his pale tail curling around the lid . <p> Cycling jerseys stitched for the Swiss team built for Hamilton to win the Tour de France sit neatly stacked in the laundry room . Nine custom bicycles line the walls of his garage . <p> When he turns away from the windows , he frowns . " This is the lowest point of my whole life , " @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . " <p> Hamilton , the American considered the heir apparent to Lance Armstrong , learned in September that he had tested positive for endurance-boosting blood transfusions at the Olympics and at the Vuelta a Espana . <p> At 33 , just as he seemed ready to claim center stage , Hamilton is facing a two-year suspension from competition . His lawyers expect the United States Anti-Doping Agency , which has jurisdiction over the case , to make a formal charge against him soon , and they anticipate going to arbitration in January . <p> Hamilton 's goal of winning the 2005 Tour de France is slipping away . He stands a good chance of missing the Tour , a race Armstrong has won six consecutive times but is expected to skip . <p> Anti-doping experts involved in the case say Hamilton is guilty , and Olympic officials are not convinced of his innocence . That keeps Hamilton and his wife , Haven , awake at night . They read arcane scientific data on blood doping to learn what they will be up against when he presents his case . If @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ of Arbitration for Sport , the highest court of international athletics . <p> He has a lot at stake . His Swiss team , Phonak , pays him a high-six-figure salary . He also has endorsement deals with companies like Nike , Clif Bar and Oakley , putting his yearly income well above $1 million . <p> Now sponsors are wary . Some fellow competitors are retreating . And recently , a World Anti-Doping Agency spokesman said Hamilton had kept his Olympic medal only because of a laboratory error . " After the Olympics , my life was really secure , my career was really on track because the gold medal can bring you a lot , you know ? " Hamilton says . " Now my life is on hold . " <p> Hamilton , a sliver of a man at 5 feet 8 inches and 130 pounds , makes eye contact as he says : " I would be happier without everything I have , with nothing , if I could just clear my name . If I had to , I 'd give up everything , down to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " <p> A Test Failed <p> Hamilton , the first American to win a road racing Olympic gold in 20 years , left Athens in late August and headed for the Vuelta a Espana . On Sept. 11 , he won an individual time trial . Five nights later , he rose from a massage table to be met by Alvaro Pino , the director of his Phonak team . <p> " You 've been accused of transfusing blood from a different person , " in the Vuelta , Hamilton said Pino told him . <p> Homologous blood doping , the practice of transfusing another person 's blood to increase the amount of oxygen-carrying red blood cells , has been against the rules in cycling since the late 1980 's . It improves athletes ' endurance but can spread disease and even cause death . <p> Hamilton , the first athlete with a positive result since the test 's introduction this year , said he was stunned . His requests for additional screening and a DNA test were denied . " This ca n't be right , " he said he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ this out , do n't worry . " <p> Hamilton dropped out of the Vuelta that day and headed to his condominium in Girona , Spain . Haven , his wife , was in Massachusetts with her family . Tugboat was gone . He opened the door to an empty , painful feeling . <p> Hamilton is known for coping with pain . A year after leaving his job as Armstrong 's lieutenant on the United States Postal Service team , Hamilton raced the 2002 Giro d'Italia despite a broken shoulder , grinding 11 teeth to their nerves . In the 2003 Tour de France , he broke his collarbone early but finished fourth . During the sixth stage of this year 's Tour , Hamilton flew over his handlebars and landed on his back . But he did not drop out of the race until the 13th stage , three days after the cancer-stricken Tugboat was euthanized . <p> But that night in Spain , the pain sickened him . On the Internet , he researched homologous blood doping . Hamilton said he was restless , the sleeping pill from @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Was there a mix-up with blood samples ? Were Europeans out to get an American ? <p> " We felt like all the air had rushed out of our lungs , " Haven , 35 , said . <p> The situation worsened two days later , he said , when he learned that a blood sample at the Olympics had also shown evidence of a transfusion . <p> During the next few days , Hamilton twice drove to Switzerland , first for Phonak 's news conference on his test results , then to spend two days in a lab watching scientists test his second , or B , samples from the Vuelta and the Olympics . " It was so important to me to see the procedure , " he says . " They had my life in that vial . " <p> The Olympics and professional cycling use the same testing procedures . Each blood sample is divided . If the A sample is positive , the B is tested to confirm the initial result . Without confirmation , the entire test is deemed negative . <p> On Aug. 22 @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ A sample negative but labeled it suspicious for a blood transfusion . On the recommendation of external experts called in to examine the results , the I.O.C. declared Hamilton 's A sample positive on Sept. 16 , nearly a month after he won the gold medal . By then , the I.O.C. knew that a lab technician had frozen Hamilton 's B sample , leaving too few red blood cells to analyze . On Sept. 23 , the Olympic B sample was called inconclusive , so Hamilton kept his medal , but the B sample from the Vuelta came out positive . <p> " It 's obvious that the lab there had no idea what they were doing , and it makes you question the entire drug-testing process , " Hamilton said . " But it 's too late for me . I 'm just their guinea pig . They already ruined my life because of their mistakes . " <p> Drug testing and drug scandals have long played a part in international cycling . In 1967 , a rider died during the Tour de France , and an autopsy revealed @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 1968 , and random blood testing began about four years ago . <p> In the 1998 Tour de France , the top-ranked Festina team was expelled amid a doping investigation . This year , David Millar was stripped of his 2003 world championship and suspended for using erythropoietin , EPO , a synthetic red-blood-cell booster . <p> Also this year , Hamilton 's teammate Oscar Camenzind was suspended for EPO use ; another teammate , Santiago Perez , tested positive for traces of another person 's blood on Oct. 27 . Still , Hamilton insists that cycling " is not a dirty sport " and that the blood-doping test is faulty . <p> But Michael Ashenden , an Australian physiologist and head researcher on a team of scientists who this year developed the test for homologous blood doping , said there was no doubt of its reliability . The World Anti-Doping Agency approved the test for the Athens Games . The International Cycling Union began using it at this summer 's Tour de France . <p> The original test , Ashenden said , has been used for more than a decade @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a mother with an incompatible blood type . <p> " The knee-jerk reaction of a team that is faced with a sanction is that the test is new , so it 's problematic , " Ashenden said . " But you just do n't use a test a million times and then it suddenly does n't work . This is n't a new test . It just has n't been used in sports for very long . " <p> He added : " It 's too bad that an athlete very seldom has the moral courage to admit : ' Yes , I did this . I 'm guilty . " ' <p> Hamilton vows he 's innocent . His wife said : " I want to scream it from the rooftops and say Tyler is innocent . But we have to be methodical now , like we 're doing a really hard crossword puzzle . " <p> On the Offense <p> Days after Hamilton 's B test results were announced , Haven flew to Spain . They decided he should honor his commitments . <p> " I 'm not going @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , " Hamilton said . " I have nothing to hide . " <p> He spent eight days in the Pyrenees filming an IMAX movie about the brain 's reaction to emotions and pain , to be released next fall . Next , he flew to Las Vegas for the Interbike trade show , beginning the journey to salvage his reputation . He said his heart beat quickly as he arrived , the Strip aglow , thousands of people in the tight-knit biking world about to see him for the first time since his positive tests . <p> The Interbike show , North America 's largest cycling trade show , covered 660,000 square feet in the Sands Expo and Convention Center . Amid a maze of booths with $5,000 bikes , $25 socks , energy bars , heart- rate monitors and hydration backpacks was Tyler Hamilton , considered the nicest , most polite person in cycling . <p> Hamilton , who has boyish looks and a freckled , tan face , walked through the doors , nervous and blushing slightly . But at 15 appearances over two days , he was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ his autograph , asked for photos , shook hands . Some offered condolences for Tugboat . <p> One of his sponsors , Bell Helmets , gave away " I Believe Tyler " buttons . One man wearing that button proudly was Andy Rihs , the chairman of Phonak , a Swiss hearing aid company , and the boss of Hamilton 's team . Rihs , who suspended Hamilton with pay , said he had spent $800,000 on Hamilton 's defense , hiring five scientists to study the blood-doping test and its validity . <p> " We wanted a clear second opinion because this new test is a little black box with a thousand questions in it , " Rihs said . <p> One American cyclist at the show , Bobby Julich , had other questions . Julich had roomed with Hamilton in Athens and won the bronze medal in the time trial . He said the suspicions about Hamilton " go against everything I 've ever known from the guy . " But , he added : " The rest of us at the Olympics passed the test . Why did @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . <p> " I 'm sick of people who cheat , sick of cleaning up their mess and trying to explain it , " he said . <p> Then , a pause . <p> " There is heavy evidence against him , " he said . " With that much evidence , I do n't know how he 's going to get out of it . " <p> Facing His Public <p> After the embrace at Interbike , Hamilton prepared for two weeks of more difficult appearances at events for the Tyler Hamilton Foundation , which raises money for multiple sclerosis patients and for youth cycling . He started the foundation this year , modeling it after Armstrong 's cancer foundation . <p> At his first stop , in a 437-seat San Francisco theater , 100 people heard him speak . When Hamilton 's friend Chris Davenport , an extreme skier who served as emcee , said , " Tyler is innocent , " most of the audience applauded . <p> But one man sat silent , arms tightly crossed , a disgusted look on his face as Hamilton 's Olympic @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Steffen , who had worked with Hamilton and the United States Postal Service team . <p> In the book " L.A. Confidential , the Secrets of Lance Armstrong , " Steffen said Hamilton had been present when another rider , Marty Jemison , hinted that performance-enhancing drugs could help the team . <p> Steffen said he had refused the request and that his contract with the team was not renewed . <p> " If he had the guts to show up in my town and talk , I needed to be there , " Steffen said of Hamilton . " I knew this would happen . After the news got out that he tested positive , I got lots of calls and e-mails , people saying , ' Yeah , Prentice wins ! " ' <p> Hamilton responded , " He 's just mad that he got fired . " <p> From San Francisco , Hamilton and his wife returned to their refuge , their gray slate house high above Boulder , the home of the University of Colorado . The 4,200-square-foot home is appointed with a decorator 's touch : @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ grand piano . <p> It is far removed from the hubbub of European cycling , and near friends and endless bike trails , one of which leads to the door . <p> Because the Hamiltons are apart 200 days a year while he trains and races , their time together is precious . But now , they worry that the stress will crack their tight bond . She says they argue more . He says their relationship is now " all business . " <p> Haven Parchinski was working at an advertising agency in Boston when she met Hamilton at a cycling race in 1996 . Married to Tyler for six years , she now she has another job : helping her husband restore his reputation . These days , she is answering the phone , returning his calls and rerecording their voice mail message in her voice . " I want to protect him , " she says . <p> For a distraction , they are thinking about replacing Tugboat . Hamilton wants two golden retrievers . His wife agrees . <p> " It 's better , I think , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , " she says , looking him in the eye . <p> The next night , the Hamiltons took the stage for another foundation talk , for about 300 people at the University of Colorado . He raced on its ski team until he broke two vertebrae in a mountain biking accident . Then he focused on cycling and became an even bigger name in town . <p> When Hamilton was introduced , his father , Bill , was the first to leap to his feet . " We believe in you , Tyler ! " he shouted . <p> The next morning , Hamilton and his father and brother -- who flew in from Marblehead , Mass. -- rolled into a parking lot on bikes for a charity ride . Counting friends , relatives and foundation workers , the ride attracted 40 people . Two weeks before , Armstrong 's Ride for the Roses , a cancer fund-raiser in Austin , Tex. , drew 6,500 . <p> The Yellow Jersey <p> In his bright living room , Hamilton cradles his Olympic gold medal in his hands . He says he @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to hear " The Star-Spangled Banner , " to be an Olympic champion . Not even Armstrong achieved that . <p> " Cool , huh ? " Hamilton says . <p> But Dr. Jacques Rogge , the International Olympic Committee president , and Dick Pound , the chairman of the World Anti-Doping Agency , have suggested Hamilton does not deserve the medal . And two national Olympic committees have filed protests to strip Hamilton of it . <p> The Russian committee has asked the Court of Arbitration for Sport to award it to Vyacheslav Ekimov , who finished second in the time trial . The Australian committee has asked that Michael Rogers , who finished fourth , receive the bronze . <p> That only strengthens Hamilton 's resolve . " I earned it fair and square , and there is not a chance that someone else is going to get it , " he says of the gold . " I guarantee it . " <p> An angry yet uncertain Hamilton says : " I 'm a nice person and I try to forgive people , but not this time , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ trust in people because they have backed off from me when I needed them the most . When my name is cleared , I 'm going to remember those people . They 'd better not come crawling back to me when this is all over . " <p> Some friends have not left . Armstrong sent an encouraging e-mail message . Davenport has set up www.believetyler.org , which collects donations on the Web for Hamilton 's defense . Just as an injury led him away from skiing and toward cycling , this ordeal may lead Hamilton to another phase of his life . He talks about organizing a union to promote cyclists ' rights , including approval of drug-testing procedures . <p> Whatever may happen , Hamilton has begun training for next season . Pedaling through each workout , he says , he thinks of one thing . Not of his uncertain future . Not of his appeal . Not even of his beloved Tugboat . <p> He thinks of the Tour de France . <p> He imagines himself wearing the leader 's yellow jersey as he cruises down the Champs-Elysees @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a champion . <p> " Even if I 'm suspended for two years , I 'll come back just to show those people who doubted me that they were wrong , " he says . " I would come back and win the Tour de France , for my sport , for me , for everyone who has believed in me . " <p> URL : http : //www.nytimes.com right , Eric Risberg/Associated Press ) 
##3000962 <p> Alex Rodriguez guessed that he watched five innings of the World Series last month . Figure one inning of every painful game , then toss in another stray inning of torture . Then it was time for Rodriguez to punch the remote , punch the couch or punch anything . <p> It was a brief yet depressing viewing experience because it was the first time Rodriguez truly believed he would be in the World Series . The Yankees were one victory away when they disintegrated against the Boston Red Sox . Rodriguez was part of that unprecedented debacle . He could not watch what unfolded next . <p> " What 's the right word ? " Rodriguez wondered . " Masochist ? I did n't want to be a masochist watching those games . " <p> It was a typically gorgeous sunny afternoon as Rodriguez lounged in his spacious office here . The flat-screen television was tuned to a President Bush speech , the blue rug with the Yankee logo was centered and the photographs were neatly arranged . He had just finished working out with his @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ any day . <p> In the freshly manicured world of A-Rod Inc. , everything seemed seamless . But , of course , not everything was . Three weeks after the Yankees faded in four straight losses and two weeks after Rodriguez barely watched the Red Sox shelve 85 seasons of misery , Rodriguez settled on the villain in this tale . He looked in the mirror and never stopped staring . <p> " The fact that I got what I got , I deserved every bit of it because I was brought here to help win a championship and we did n't get that done , " Rodriguez said . " Therefore , we failed . I do n't think you can point your finger at any one guy because we win and lose as a team . But if you had to point a finger , I think you would point it right at me . " <p> Rodriguez 's assessment came like a line drive at a shallow third baseman since it was in response to a question about being despised by the Red Sox ' fans . They @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ praying that the Red Sox would acquire Rodriguez from the Texas Rangers . <p> After Rodriguez stressed how much he loved being on stage in New York and how much he relished getting to pursue vindication against Boston , he vilified himself for not delivering a championship . <p> The words sounded like the way George Steinbrenner , the principal owner of the Yankees , would want Rodriguez to respond . Be the big man , take the blame and try and reverse the results , even if Rodriguez also sounded like a martyr . <p> " I 'm going into next season with a mentality to make it revenge time , " Rodriguez said . <p> But , for now , forget that Mariano Rivera was three outs from burying the Red Sox in Game 4 and that the Yankees were six outs away in Game 5 . Forget that Curt Schilling muzzled the Yankees in Game 6 and that Boston mauled Kevin Brown in the decisive game of the American League Championship Series . <p> Push the details aside , Rodriguez said , and blame the new guy . @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a ball out of Bronson Arroyo 's glove , the guy who Schilling has turned into a pinata and the guy who went to the Yankees instead of the Red Sox and wound up on the dismal end of what had been the most lopsided rivalry in baseball history . Until Rodriguez arrived , that is . <p> " I knew what I was getting into it here , " Rodriguez said . " I love that it 's all or nothing . When I say point the finger at me , it 's the way I feel about my responsibility . It comes with the territory . " <p> Rodriguez sounded like a masochist and a martyr when he gave his critique of himself for an ordinary debut season as a Yankee . Rodriguez batted .286 with 36 homers and 106 runs batted in , nice but not overpowering statistics , and made a smooth transition from shortstop to third . But he was 0 for 7 with runners in scoring position in the A.L.C.S. , was 2 for 17 in the last four losses and was booed at Yankee @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the infamous slap . With Derek Jeter on first , Rodriguez trickled a ball about 40 feet toward first in the eighth inning of Game 6 . Arroyo scooped it up near the foul line and reached to tag Rodriguez because no one was covering first . <p> Rodriguez slapped down on Arroyo 's left arm and the ball shook loose and dribbled into right field . Jeter scored to slice the Yankees ' deficit to 4-3 and a Boston collapse was brewing . But Rodriguez was called out for interference , the rally was squelched and the criticism of the slap started . <p> " That was junior high school baseball right there , at its best , " Schilling said . Schilling also criticized Rodriguez for not having class and repeated his jabs in several interviews . For the first time , Rodriguez responded . <p> " Anytime he says something about me it 's a compliment , especially when they 're in their championship parade and they 're still thinking about us , " Rodriguez said . " The one thing I hope is that he continues to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ give us great motivation to beat the Red Sox in the future . " <p> As Rodriguez carefully selected his words , he was seething . He is miffed that Schilling , who made several recruiting calls to Rodriguez about joining the Red Sox after Schilling was traded there last November , has blasted him so incessantly . <p> But , when Rodriguez was asked if the words hurt , he said : " Absolutely not . Red Sox are not supposed to like Yankees . " <p> Then Rodriguez declined any more questions on Schilling . While Rodriguez described how Schilling maligned him and the Yankees , Schilling has essentially tossed all of his criticism at Rodriguez . <p> If the Yankees had not blown a 3-0 lead in the best of seven-game series , Schilling presumably would not have been as chatty . Rodriguez said the Yankees might have subconsciously thought they were safe and removed their hands from Boston 's throat . All that did was move the hands to their own throats and keep Rodriguez searching . <p> " The fact that I have n't won a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I do , I will not sleep or be comfortable with my career . <p> Rodriguez stayed at Yankee Stadium until 3 a.m. after Game 7 of the A.L.C.S. Too angry to leave , he dragged a chair into the middle of the clubhouse and sipped a beer . Bernie Williams and Mike Mussina were with him . <p> For a while , they were numb , then aggravated , then ornery . Rodriguez said they spoke about how the Yankees could " never let this happen again . " <p> As the minutes and the beers disappeared , Rodriguez and Williams laughed about being like Rambo and returning bigger and better in 2005 . It was cold and dark when Rodriguez left for home , which is how his mood has remained . Rodriguez does not want to be a masochist , but he can not turn off the mental pictures with a remote . <p> " Obviously , what will make it better is coming back next year and winning a title , " Rodriguez said . " But I 'll never forgive myself or my team . As @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ should have lost four games in a row to anyone . That disappointed me . That should n't have happened . " <p> URL : http : //www.nytimes.com Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez was 0 for 7 with runners in scoring position and 2 for 17 in the last four games of the A.L.C.S. ( Photo by Barton Silverman/The New York Times ) ( pg . D7 ) 